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“Okay, team. Before anyone else does anything stupid, I think we all need to sit back, take a nice, deep breath and take stock of our assets.”
A scruffy blond stared back at her. He held up his arms. “What assets?”
Semi-permanent Marker Woman blinked. “Well, ah, our assets. You know. What we’ve got going for us. As a team.”
“What team?” He looked back at the demolished landscape, spreading out for miles of city-scented dust. There had been so many things he had wanted to save in New York. The one he got to keep was the permeating smell of diesel fuel and day-old dreams.
“At least I’m trying,” Perma snapped. “There’s two of us, which is technically enough. And we’re still alive, so that’s something.”
“Fine, let’s list our assets.” Snail Boy made a line through the silver silt with his finger. “You can draw on any of the nothing around us, and I can command an army of snails. Disintegration Guy is going to be shaking in his boots.”
She folded her arms. “We’ll work with it. Have you started calling your troops?”
He lifted his hand, letting the grains slip through while he looked her in the eye. “Three days ago.”
“Don’t give me that… Maybe some of them made it out on time?”
His eyes narrowed.
“Right. Well, it was worth a try.” She flopped down beside him. “Let’s start with the ‘being alive’ then. Why are we still here, Snails?”
He sighed. “Existentially speaking, no clue. If we’re talking about Disintegration Guy… New York is gone because he didn’t like it. Plasma Lady is gone because she didn’t like it being gone. Nova Flare, Captain Crater, Jungle Jim, Doctor Shadows, and Demolition Woman are gone because they were threats. Heck, he even took Invinci-bully out just because the man’s compliments didn’t sound sincere enough. One thought and ‘poof!’” He clapped his hands, fluffing up a cloud of skyscraper. “No more you.”
Perma nodded. “Which means he doesn’t know we exist. That’s an advantage!”
“He might know and not care,” Snails pointed out. “Either way, that’s going to be gone the second we get close to doing anything.”
“So you’re saying we should do nothing?”
Another sigh. “...Guess not.” He pulled himself off the ground reluctantly, with all the energy his underlings were known for. “At least it shouldn’t be too hard to find the guy.” Snails reached into a pocket and wriggled his smartphone out. Tapped it twice, then began typing something in.
“You really think he’s going to Tweet the next one?”
He shrugged. “He wasn’t exactly subtle about his feelings on New York-style pizza this morning. It’s worth a shot.”
She peered over his shoulder, brushing against his arm. Her touch left a black smear down his sleeve. It matched the boot prints that had trailed her over. “For an egomaniac, he doesn’t put much effort into his selfies.”
“Yeah, well, who’s going to criticize?” Snails skimmed the next few entries. “Selfie, before-and-after pics, live news feeds, selfie, dead news feeds, and… uh oh. Guess who just decided that this year’s blockbusters are overrated?” He passed Perma the phone.
Her face drained of color. “Not Hollywood. They still haven’t finished shooting Die Harder Again Tomorrow!” She stuffed the phone back in Snails’ pocket, clasped his shoulders, and steered him in the direction of the biggest, still-standing skyline. “I’m not missing out on that- no matter what some crazy hipster villain thinks.”
Of course, if the crazy hipster villain thought about it too soon, she would. Snails kept that to himself, though, and obediently trudged along.
A scruffy blond stared back at her. He held up his arms. “What assets?”
Semi-permanent Marker Woman blinked. “Well, ah, our assets. You know. What we’ve got going for us. As a team.”
“What team?” He looked back at the demolished landscape, spreading out for miles of city-scented dust. There had been so many things he had wanted to save in New York. The one he got to keep was the permeating smell of diesel fuel and day-old dreams.
“At least I’m trying,” Perma snapped. “There’s two of us, which is technically enough. And we’re still alive, so that’s something.”
“Fine, let’s list our assets.” Snail Boy made a line through the silver silt with his finger. “You can draw on any of the nothing around us, and I can command an army of snails. Disintegration Guy is going to be shaking in his boots.”
She folded her arms. “We’ll work with it. Have you started calling your troops?”
He lifted his hand, letting the grains slip through while he looked her in the eye. “Three days ago.”
“Don’t give me that… Maybe some of them made it out on time?”
His eyes narrowed.
“Right. Well, it was worth a try.” She flopped down beside him. “Let’s start with the ‘being alive’ then. Why are we still here, Snails?”
He sighed. “Existentially speaking, no clue. If we’re talking about Disintegration Guy… New York is gone because he didn’t like it. Plasma Lady is gone because she didn’t like it being gone. Nova Flare, Captain Crater, Jungle Jim, Doctor Shadows, and Demolition Woman are gone because they were threats. Heck, he even took Invinci-bully out just because the man’s compliments didn’t sound sincere enough. One thought and ‘poof!’” He clapped his hands, fluffing up a cloud of skyscraper. “No more you.”
Perma nodded. “Which means he doesn’t know we exist. That’s an advantage!”
“He might know and not care,” Snails pointed out. “Either way, that’s going to be gone the second we get close to doing anything.”
“So you’re saying we should do nothing?”
Another sigh. “...Guess not.” He pulled himself off the ground reluctantly, with all the energy his underlings were known for. “At least it shouldn’t be too hard to find the guy.” Snails reached into a pocket and wriggled his smartphone out. Tapped it twice, then began typing something in.
“You really think he’s going to Tweet the next one?”
He shrugged. “He wasn’t exactly subtle about his feelings on New York-style pizza this morning. It’s worth a shot.”
She peered over his shoulder, brushing against his arm. Her touch left a black smear down his sleeve. It matched the boot prints that had trailed her over. “For an egomaniac, he doesn’t put much effort into his selfies.”
“Yeah, well, who’s going to criticize?” Snails skimmed the next few entries. “Selfie, before-and-after pics, live news feeds, selfie, dead news feeds, and… uh oh. Guess who just decided that this year’s blockbusters are overrated?” He passed Perma the phone.
Her face drained of color. “Not Hollywood. They still haven’t finished shooting Die Harder Again Tomorrow!” She stuffed the phone back in Snails’ pocket, clasped his shoulders, and steered him in the direction of the biggest, still-standing skyline. “I’m not missing out on that- no matter what some crazy hipster villain thinks.”
Of course, if the crazy hipster villain thought about it too soon, she would. Snails kept that to himself, though, and obediently trudged along.
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The moons silently peered in through the tiny window panes of the tavern’s dirty windows. The tavern was lit up with candles and filled with cheering every time another shot was downed by one of the two large men seated at a table in the middle of the room. All the furniture was moved to the walls as to allow a large crowd of onlookers to watch and cheer. The innkeeper brought another round of shots and the contest continued.
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Prologue
As the dawn approached, Fixer finished his small carving. It was a
tiny gemstone made of the purest ruby he had. It was part of a
special order for Captain Kellington of the King's Citidal. It was to
go on the hilt of his new sword, for when he was to be commended for
stopping the Ogre rampage in the Menthis Plateau. Fixer had served
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FFM entry #26, no prompt. If you thought I already did Day 26 for FFM, you are correct! It mimicked the format and humor of one of my favorite pun-based entries from another author this year. It was okay, and I gave credit, but neither the original author nor I cared much for how it turned out. So instead of leaving something I couldn't be proud of up, I'm posting this as a replacement.
I do like this one, and I really need to regroup like the characters. So close to the end of FFM, and then I can sleep.
If you're interested in fic-ing or reading shorts like these all month, head over to Flash-Fic-Month! All the Day 26 entries can be found over here.
I do like this one, and I really need to regroup like the characters. So close to the end of FFM, and then I can sleep.
If you're interested in fic-ing or reading shorts like these all month, head over to Flash-Fic-Month! All the Day 26 entries can be found over here.
© 2016 - 2024 dragoeniex
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Particularly liked: “For an egomaniac, he doesn’t put much effort into his selfies.” “Yeah, well, who’s going to criticize?” ^^